Glasses for a parent in a care home: what the family needs to know

It is rarely the resident who calls me. It is a daughter, a son, sometimes a niece, who noticed on a visit that their father is squinting at the television, or that their mother's glasses have been held together with tape for months.

This is for that person. These are the questions that come up every time.

Who decides

Your parent, if they are able to decide. That is the starting point and it matters more than it sounds: somebody living in a care home has already lost control of their meals, their schedule and when they bathe. Choosing a frame is one of the few decisions still theirs, and it is not mine to take from them, nor yours.

In practice I speak to your parent and talk with you. Where the capacity to decide is no longer there, it falls to whoever is legally authorized to decide for them — power of attorney, mandate, guardianship, depending on what is in place. Bring the document if you have one; it saves going back and forth.

The disappearing-glasses problem

In care homes, glasses go missing. Constantly. They slip between the bed and the wall, they leave with the laundry, they end up on the neighbour's nightstand. This is not neglect, it is arithmetic: a lot of people, a lot of hands, and pairs that all look alike.

Three things genuinely help. Engraving the name on a temple, which on its own solves half of these. Choosing a frame that does not look like the four others on that floor — a colour, not a shape. And a second pair where the budget allows, because two weeks without glasses waiting on an order is a long time when reading is one of the last things left.

What I ask before coming

• The name of the home and who I should report to on arrival. Most prefer you go through reception or the nurse in charge.
• A time that works for your parent, not just for the schedule. Mid-morning suits most people better than late afternoon.
• Whether you want to be there. Many families do, and it is usually a good idea — two memories of what was said beat one.
• The prescription if you have it, and the current glasses even in poor condition.

Paying, and insurance

The person paying is often not the person wearing the glasses, and that is straightforward: I bill whoever should be billed and send the itemized invoice to whoever needs it. If your parent still has coverage through a former employer or a pension plan, bring the card — that kind of benefit is easy to forget about and frequently still live.

One last thing

Expect it to take longer than you think, and let it. This appointment is often an outing in a week that does not contain many. If your mother wants to try all eleven frames and talk about the pair she had in 1974, we will try all eleven frames.